I Choose…

I Choose

I choose to be seen, heard, accepted, loved and chosen…I commit to do the same.

So, International Women’s Day has been and gone. Lots of articles and videos on great women leaders, carers, adventurers and survivors – which I didn’t read. Of the myriad offerings, I watched one video and read one article on domestic violence. I have a very few observations to share from that which I have either witnessed or experienced:

1. I agree with those who tell us that emotional, verbal, psychological and spiritual abuse, are abuse. Also that one or all of the above are pre-cursors to physical and sexual abuse.

2. I agree with health care professionals, researchers and survivors that violence of any kind, including those above which you may think aren’t really violence, escalates without intervention and doesn’t ever get better by itself. (For Christians reading this, a ‘God moment’ is intervention…by God!)

3. Domestic violence isn’t just from spouses (of whatever genre you have) or parents of children and teens. Extended family, their friends and parents of adults abuse too, that includes emotional and verbal.

4. Both spouses can be abusing each other, including physically – and both are abusers, and both are victims. Look up co-dependancy.

5. Emotional and psychological abuse of woman over man, is abuse.

And finally a few insights from Brene BrownDaring Greatly – How the courage to be vulnerable transforms the way we live, love, parent and lead.

When shame becomes a management style, engagement dies.

Vulnerability is based on mutuality and requires boundaries and trust.

Vulnerability is about sharing our feelings and our experiences with people who have earned the right to hear them.

Vulnerability without boundaries leads to disconnection, distrust and disengagement.

We need to feel trust to be vulnerable and we need to be vulnerable in order to trust.

The result of this mutually respectful vulnerability is increased connection, trust, and engagement.

Thanks for your time.

 

The Family’s Experience – For the Educator and Professional

Paper presented at SPEVI 2015

Gina Schmidt

 

 

Smidkids

 

Reading of  “The Seed”

 

Today I have two observations I’d like to highlight.

Perhaps more by way of reminder than anything else, or maybe things you hadn’t considered yet.

 

Both observations I’d like to share relate to our tendency to forget, or at least relegate to the back blocks of our mind the understanding we may already have of our diversity, individuality and uniqueness – both personally, as families, cultures, and communities.

 

One of the most precious, and most threatening aspects of the family’s experience can be the medical and educational professionals’ involvement in our lives.

Sometimes the diagnosis you give, or the therapy you prescribe, or the new way of modeling and teaching you offer is the greatest relief, or hope, or validation for us.

Other times, these things cast us off into grief, or despair, guilt and/or isolation. Hopefully our journey involves some experience of all of these things, which would be considered ‘normal’.

From now on, you are part of our lives and our families. We may come to your office, but often you enter our homes. You observe us as we interact, play, eat, walk, read, cook…I could go on. Because our interactions are connected with many intimacies, as well as general functions of life, we may become close.

Alternatively, we may feel you’re more a part of our family than you do. Or you may feel more a part of our family than we feel you are.

We need to help each other understand what the nature of our relationship needs to be.

We need you to remember that we are a family, as you have your own family. Sometimes we need you to remind us that you contribute to our family, but we are unique and will determine our own family’s path.

 

 

I have experienced both. A very close and personal relationship with professionals built over time and three children. Also the intrusion of some; presuming positions and responsibilities within our family which were not offered, nor welcome, nor helpful.

The latter can be confusing for our children and blur the lines between roles and to whom our children are accountable. The former can be a beautiful collaboration of security, fostering growth and confidence in families – also a tangible illustration of the popular African proverb, “It takes a village to raise a child.”

 

 

My second observation is something we usually associate with those outside of the disability or, specifically this week, the vision impairment community.

 

We all hold to particular biases or preferences. Some biases are unhealthy because they are hurtful and damaging to someone else or ourselves. They may stem from false assumptions as opposed to being informed. Others though, are differences because each of us is unique, and each of our families, cultures and communities are unique.

There are choices we can make in relation to developing our young people or in maintaining the life choice of an adult with a vision impairment, and they are just that – choices.

Choices about the medical procedures we will, or will not embrace.

Choices about learning grade 1 or 2 Braille first off.

Choices about handling reactions to sensory stimulation, or lack thereof.

…toilet training, private or public schools, which piece or brand of technology best suits, city or country…

The list is endless!

I’ve learned that you all have your preferences, as do I. As does each individual, family and professional here.

Helping us to be informed but not overloaded would be the greatest gift of service you could offer us. Perhaps let us know the options, maybe another we can ask. Then help us follow up on the thing that interests us most. You never know, we may end up with the same preferences as you.

 

I’ve noticed that smaller communities are often a reflection of the broader community or culture, but the smaller may influence and therefore be reflected in the broader instead.

Looking forward to our little community being a positive influence in the broader community at large.

 

Let me finish by reading the end of the story, “The Seed,” to you again.

 

…As each one stepped back, and observed the tender plant, they were able to recognize what its needs might be. In turn they also enquired each of the other, to learn from observations they may not have recognized, or had prior knowledge of, to have even been considered.

Most importantly…

…as a team in constant communication , those employed for service to the growth of the new plant – in fact to service of the plant itself – began to listen for, and hear what the little plant was telling them. They heard and could see when the plant needed moisture, or sunlight, or protection, or space; because they were attending to the needs of the seed, instead of what they wanted to give or to do.

 

The little plant grew tall, and strong, and was borne of new seed, so that more plants could grow, providing clean air, and beauty to enjoy.

 

The workers and the sower lived with much joy, and with a profound, and unfathomable sense of accomplishment, as they witnessed the growth, and maturity, and provision, and beauty of the little seed, which became great.

 

 

This Journey

If I could draw a picture of

This journey travelled on my own,

What story would it tell you,

Which colours would have shown?

 

The beginning would be darkness

New realities unseen

Goals obscured and jaded

Mist and fog my only scene

 

But with you, my eyes are opened

You each shine light on paths ahead

Darkness fading in the wake

Of information shared

 

I see movement, light and colour

A future hope for me and mine

You each brought hue and shade and pigment

If left alone, no sun would shine

 

Thank you all for being part

Of this journey of my life

And for the pieces of your own path

That brought promise into mine.

 

 

15/1/2015

For SPEVI

 

SPEVI 2015 Time Out

Process, progress, organise

Sift and strain and scrutinize

Think, reflect and ruminate

Pre-occupy and inundate

 

Withdraw, compose, concentrate

Stillness, quiet, separate

Settle, soothe, lull and quell

Listen, hear, perceive as well

 

Befit, apply, appropriate

Attend and differentiate

Select, determine, designate

Prefer, elect and allocate

 

Undertake!

 

SPEVI

14/1/2015